I don’t know what I’m really good at, and I have no idea how to plan my life when there is no blue print to follow because I am just way behind in finding dreams and passion. I used to think I can be a journalist, but I am just not critical enough to write a good paper. I sometimes thought I can be a dancer, but it is just a dream, I am not even good at dancing. Maybe I am good at creating artworks, I once told myself this. But I am not sensitive enough in catching different angles, colors, and the basic demonstration. Moreover, I thought maybe music can be my passion, but then my voice is not special enough and my instrumental skill is just average. yeah, I am just an average person that you can find easily on a street. Nothing special, just very average. Man, I hate this word now. There is always gonna be someone who is doing better than me. I can sing, dance, talk, write, play instrument, act, and many other stuffs, but they are all in average level. I am not saying being average is not good, it is just being an average person makes me feel extremely anxious. How am I going to survive in this brutal world when people can find another million of me on streets? How am I going to stand out when I am so plane and normal? I am not good enough, not creative enough, and not smart enough (because if I am smart, then I shouldn’t be worry about this at all). And there are people who just good at everything or at least one thing. I don’t want be good at everything, but just one. All I’m asking for is to be good at one thing, so I know I am worth of living. God gives everyone a purpose, but where is my purpose? I want to be good at something, not just like “oh, you are a very good caring person” that kind of stuff, I want to be good at something that I can use in work. I am almost out of college, and I still can’t find my passion and direction. This truly worries me. No matter how hard I try, the execution always turns out to be just average. I hate being label as common, normal, regular, and average; but I also can’t ignore the fact that I am like that. I really don’t know what to do with my life when I can’t find one thing that I’m good at.

If this meant to be happened, what is my next step?

Speak to me God, let me hear your voice. What do you want me to do?

If this is really happening, will you give me a hand?

How am I supposed to know if “if” becomes real?

我出頭天啦！！

＊＊＊就是這一張讓老闆心儀的照片＊＊＊

I’m giving myself a private time so I can see what God wants me to do.

maybe it’s only a few months or it can be longer than a year, but I’m gonna wait.

I know it’s gonna be hard, especially being all patience and kind, but I don’t feel regret at all.

God wants me to love myself more, therefore, here I am, re-knowing myself.

this is my picasa, you are very welcome to visit: http://picasaweb.google.com/imdory618

hey little boy,

I know you really love mommy’s tummy, but you need to come out eventually because we’re all excited and extremely happy to see you. We want to play with you, and so many of you buddies are waiting for you to play with them too. Also, just for the reason that your mommy and daddy seriously can’t wait to see you, you need to come out! And you did!! You finally arrived at 9:47AM this morning. Hooray!!! I looked at you when you were eating, and I saw your lovely eyes; they are bright and black. I know you are going to be so smart when you grow up. I stared at your hair, it’s curly and black. I don’t have to worry that you may be a baldie when you are old because you have lots of hair. heehee. You look so small, but I know you will get bigger and bigger, stronger and stronger, so you can protect your mommy when she is in need. By the way, I want to tell you that your mommy loves you very much. After she delivered you, she didn’t get rest right away. She was crying and wanted to hold you so tight that you can feel the warmth. You know what? your mommy is such a strong woman. She is so brave that she held her tears till the last minutes of her delivery. She said she couldn’t cry because that way you may feel nervous and uncomfortable. What a wonderful mom, right? Auntie Angel told me when your mommy saw  you, she was tearing and saying “這是我的寶寶 來 媽咪給你秀秀.“ So when I heard that from auntie Angel, I was teary too because I am so proud of her. You must be so proud to have her to be your mom right? Well, I will leave my comment here now, since I know you are probably sleeping and exploring this new world as a new comer, also spending time with your lovely mom and dad, so I will leave you here. But remember, we need to hang out soon, I need to take you around and see some beautiful side of this world. Promise?

Really need to get myself together and force myself to collect our spending!!! I’ve been doing this for a week now, hopefully I can do it for a month (keeping my fingers crossed). This is going to be my primary goal for now XD